A New Blog for a New Me

I'm on a journey. A journey to find myself and improve who I am--physically and mentally.

Part 1 of my journey has been to lose 185 lbs.

This has been the hardest 185 lbs. to lose in my life.  It has taken 16 years, 3 children, some happiness, but a lot of tears.

After 15 years of marriage the past 5 months of losing those 185 lbs. has been a rollercoaster ride that I wish I never had to get on.  

Starting in March when I was encouraged to get on the ride with the idea that both of us would be happier.  I was optimistic, after all we didn't have a love affair that movies are made of (more like a self help book description of what to avoid in a relationship).  

The coaster started off gently enough with some nerves on my part about what life would be like alone and worrying about how the finances would work (with 3 kids 15, 10, and 7 and being a part time bookkeeper/sahm it was a bit terrifying to think about sometimes).

In April we started to get closer to the top of the hill with the 185 lbs. leaving Easter with our family to go on a date (one of many I found out later).

May started the speed down the first hill with the 185 lbs. finally moving out of the house (I told him that it was unacceptable that he date while living in the house, but he translated that into he couldn't date in town).  After the initial shock I was a bit excited about looking forward, once again optimistic even.  

And then it happened--Memorial Weekend.  I found out that he was going away with one of the women who was now his girlfriend to Vegas.  That was the beginning of the twists and turns that began.  185 lbs. went from being a great father to blowing his kids off and almost not spending Father's Day with them because he was spending it with her.  I found out later that he introduced our 10yo to her BEFORE we even told the kids we were separating and then introduced our 7yo to her a week after moving out.

The ride was getting too fast and I could hardly breathe.  And so we get to today.  I'm doing my best to not go crazy knowing that I don't have control of the rollercoaster.  I've gotten to the point where I need to take it hill by hill, day by day and I will survive.